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南少

最近在补亦舒的小说，发现她有好多都市人的毛病，偏偏“issue”又和“亦舒”谐音，不免觉得是老天爷别有用心。

如今的都市人难免一身的Issue，或者在无止境的减肥里闹胃疼，或者为纠缠不清的感情头疼；时髦些是有抑郁症，睫毛开合间就是一个动人的故事；最差也要有“空调病”咳嗽几声，方能显得身上烙有大都市的印子。在一个五光十色的大都会里，健康和端正总是土气的，于是人人恨不能把个性贴在衬衫领子上，满世界招摇：“Hey！I'm different！”

师太分明是最典型的香港人，笔下的种种 Issues 却也可以在其他城市找到。可见都市与都市虽性格不同，通病却大多相同。

通病一：出门要精心搭配成套的衣...

南少

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\\n如今的都市人难免一身的Issue，或者在无止境的减肥里闹胃疼，或者为纠缠不清的感情头疼；时髦些是有抑郁症，睫毛开合间就是一个动人的故事；最差也要有“空调病”咳嗽几声，方能显得身上烙有大都市的印子。在一个五光十色的大都会里，健康和端正总是土气的，于是人人恨不能把个性贴在衬衫领子上，满世界招摇：“Hey！I\'m different！” \\n师太分明是最典型的香港人，笔下的种种 Issues 却也可以在其他城市找到。可见都市与都市虽性格不同，通病却大多相同。 \\n通病一：出门要精心搭配成套的衣服。 \\n师太写都市人穿衣服最毒，美人儿自然衣品一流，而她眼里衣品不好的人，人品必然也不好。《玫瑰的故事》里的方协文，流行大领子的时候他的领子最小，等小领子流行起来，他的领子忽然又大起来了，裤子有点喇叭，皮鞋有点高跟，怎么看怎么别扭，于是按师太的套路，这人也从头到尾是个Loser，永不翻身的那种。 \\n都市的绅士和女郎都太精明，人人深谙“You are what you wear”的道理，于是极尽所能地把钱从牙缝里省出来，买衣服鞋子包包，穿出最时髦妥当的自己。你问他为什么，他会不屑地甩下头发：“谁想在最丑的时候遇到前任？” \\n哦，这就明白了，一个病的来由往往是另一个病。 \\nIssues 之二：咖啡馆羁绊。 \\n都市里最精致最洋派的地方是哪里？往往是咖啡馆。约会去哪里？一个人读书去哪里？闺蜜小聚去哪里？咖啡馆。咖啡馆。咖啡馆。 \\n 一个都市人，怎么都不好意思说自己通宵赶文案是就着隔壁的麻将声和手里的羊肉串的。如今禁欲系是大流行，简简单单一杯咖啡就正好，真饿了也只能加一小块牛排或蛋糕。像我一样几乎没有上午的人，下午喝咖啡晚上就睡不着，自然攀不上这样的issue，只好喝奶茶充数，然后又得上gym去赶骨感都市女郎的时髦。不然的话，买再多漂亮衣服又有何用？ \\n食不厌精，脍不厌细，自然日子有滋有味。如今的大都市人表面光鲜，压力重重凄风苦雨的时候不比别人少分毫。这种对咖啡馆的渴望呵，就撑着都市人度过所有灰暗的日子。被抄家打压的郭四小姐，和孩子被迫住进风雨飘摇的六坪亭子间，每天下午还是雷打不动地拿搪瓷缸子泡茶，小小饭盒蒸蛋糕，就是一顿迷你的下午茶。 \\n自然，都市人有都市人的放纵。不想喝咖啡的时候，也能找个喜欢的地方，当作每周和朋友小聚的据点，偶尔幻想自己是Friends六人组中的一员。吃法餐的时候有吃法餐的气派，吃火锅的时候又有吃火锅的喧闹，否则就不是都市叻人了。 \\n症状三：惜字如金。 \\n我很容易在地铁或是公交车上睡过去，因为无论在哪座城市，交通工具上都相当安静，仿佛从前最聒噪的一群人也闭嘴了。公寓楼对门的小芳和写字楼电梯间里的小刘再没有同你说过那句经典的“吃了么？” \\n关于这种沉默，上海人韩寒解释过，是个角色的都不会过于激动。那都市人，谁会不把自己当个角儿呢？ \\n香港人亦舒在这方面的话更多： \\n“记住，真正有气质的淑女，从不炫耀她所拥有的一切，她不告诉人她读过什么书，去过什么地方，有多少件衣裳，买过什么珠宝，因她没有自卑感”——好了，闺蜜聚会不能讲话了。 \\n“原来你若真爱一个人，内心酸涩，反而会说不出话来”——好了，表白也免了。 \\n“做人要含蓄点，得过且过，不必斤斤计较，水清无鱼，人清无徒，谁又不跟谁一辈子，一些事放在心中算了。”——于是真的从此不必说话了。 \\n人人心里都打个小算盘：不说，总是比说出来安全。于是都市人往往被鄙夷过于冷漠，但又偏偏是塑料花开得比什么都长久。 \\n在品类繁多的issue崇拜里，亦舒其实只能算是后来者，作家里真正的都市叻人，我认为只有张爱玲。拿到第一笔稿费，她立刻去买了一支丹祺唇膏；没有钱买新衣，她就拿老祖母的旧被面去改成衣服；香港战乱，她还拉着炎樱去电影院看卡通片，满大街找冰淇淋和嘴唇膏。这便是黄伟文写的：“在最坏的时候，懂得吃，舍得穿，不会乱”了。 \\n正统一点的人都会说，这些矫情的issue是毒，得戒；偏偏有人就是“用你砒霜救我命”，太宰治写道：“我本想这个冬日就死去的，可最近拿到一套鼠灰色细条纹的麻质和服，是适合夏天穿的和服，所以我还是先活到夏天吧。”看得人心惊肉跳。 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